Season of Family

[00:00:04] Speaker A: This is Faith Break with Karen, Luke, and Anne Gallagher, a podcast about recognizing God, moments in our everyday lives. Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. In this episode, Karen and Anne reflect on the consolations and desolations of their vocations as spouses and parents, and how God's grace is present in all the ups and downs of family life. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Hi, everybody. Welcome back to Faith Break. I am Anne Gallagher. [00:00:42] Speaker C: And I am Karen Luke. [00:00:43] Speaker B: And we are co workers, ministers, friends, mothers, wives. And today we are here to celebrate with you the Feast of the Holy Family. We're talking about the season of Family. We are just a few days after Christmas, and the Feast of the Holy Family is also my wedding anniversary, and both of my children were baptized on the Feast of the Holy Family. [00:01:08] Speaker C: What year is it for you guys? [00:01:10] Speaker B: 22. 3. Okay. We're not in a big. [00:01:17] Speaker C: You're not mathing Math. [00:01:18] Speaker B: It's over 20. Okay. [00:01:19] Speaker C: It's over 20. Under 25. Okay. Yep. [00:01:22] Speaker B: Yeah. So I thought today maybe we could just kind of last. Last year, we had our Dan came and talked to us. Oh, that's right. [00:01:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:32] Speaker B: Remember, we're like, we're gonna talk about how holy our family is. [00:01:35] Speaker C: Oh, yes. That was a fun episode. [00:01:37] Speaker B: We talked a lot about, like, raising kids in faith and that kind. And about the Holy Family, like, well, how could we do something a little bit different now that we're circling around the liturgical year for a second time here? And we decided we're gonna kind of take this opportunity to reflect on our lives as parents so far and maybe do a little examine of our parenting experience. So for those of you who might not be aware, our parish communities kind of have an Ignatian charism in our spirituality. And the examine is a practice in Jesuit spirituality where you. Well, you can do it on a daily basis where, like, you look back over your day and try to notice where God has been active in your consolations and your desolations. So I think maybe before we start, we can talk a little bit about what a constellation and a desolation is for people. Right. Because it's not quite the same thing as saying, like, your highs and lows. [00:02:34] Speaker C: Right. [00:02:38] Speaker B: Although a lot of the times when we do this with teenagers, I kind of use that language just to kind of simplify it. But really, like, it has more to do with, like, how you're feeling internally about an experience than whether the external experience you're having itself is good or bad or something like that. [00:02:56] Speaker C: Right. And it also has to deal with, like, your relationship with God in that moment, it's not just, oh, this was a good day. This was a bad day. But even though you're having a bad day, you're, you know, where was God in that? [00:03:11] Speaker B: Right. So if you're feeling close to God, connected to God and other people and to your, you know, true self, that's consolation. And if you're feeling disconnected or far from God, that's desolation. [00:03:24] Speaker C: Yep. [00:03:25] Speaker B: So it doesn't just mean having a bad day. It means I had a bad day and I felt separated from God. [00:03:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:31] Speaker B: So, okay, so we'll just kind of lay that up. Hey, before we get into reflecting on all of our parenting lives, God moment for the week. Do you have one? Yes. [00:03:42] Speaker C: So this is really interesting. This was the first year that we weren't all together getting a Christmas tree. [00:03:54] Speaker B: Oh, what happened? [00:03:56] Speaker C: So. [00:03:59] Speaker B: We. [00:04:00] Speaker C: Emma, Jeremy, and I were like, we'll just put up our fake tree. I think this Advent is one of the first that we have literally had something going on every Saturday and every Sunday. [00:04:15] Speaker B: It's been brutal. [00:04:17] Speaker C: Usually we've been able to, you know, fit it in. So we're like, we're just gonna put up the fake tree because we can't put it in the original spot that we usually have. It's going down in the family room, so it's gonna be smaller, all this stuff. So Connor hears this, and he's like, oh, absolutely not. I was like, dude, when are we gonna do it? He's like, we'll do a Saturday. And I said, well, Saturday, Emma and I are going to Cortland. And we drove down. This was a God moment in of itself. Em and I had the whole morning and afternoon. We went to watch one of her old swim teammates swim at Cortland. [00:04:53] Speaker B: Oh, how fun. [00:04:54] Speaker C: And so it was a lot of fun, how excited she was to see, you know, college level. So I was like, well, Emma and I are going to Cortland. He's like, well, dad and I will go and I'm gonna cut the tree down, because that's my job for him. Okay, you have fun. So we get home, let's just say it's not the tree that I would have picked. So my God moment. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Charlie Brown tree. [00:05:22] Speaker C: It's not. It is full. But instead of trimming the bottom to make the top fit, the top got trimmed. So it's kind of like, full, Full, full, flat. [00:05:39] Speaker B: Nice. That's awesome. Awesome. [00:05:43] Speaker C: I'm like, hey, good job. And, you know, and Connor was so excited because he actually cut the tree. [00:05:49] Speaker B: Down he's proud of himself. [00:05:50] Speaker C: He's absolutely like, you can't criticize. And Jeremy's like, oh, my gosh. We walked from one end to the other, and Connor's, like, falling on the ground. Just leave me here. I'm tired yet. It was his idea. So I think my God moment was just letting go of that control. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:10] Speaker C: Cause I'm like, the tree is, like, my thing, and I do the lights, and I put the lights on it, and I put our angel on there. And I was like, this is great. [00:06:19] Speaker B: And you know what? You're always gonna remember this year's tree. I bet you. [00:06:22] Speaker C: Probably. Because, like I said, it was the first year that we didn't do it as a family, but I felt comfortable with that. It wasn't like, I felt guilty that we weren't there or tried to fit it in and make the day that much more crazy. And so, yeah, so that was my God moment of just accepting the tree. Very cool. And making it art. Making it art. [00:06:48] Speaker B: And did you sit and have your coffee by the tree this morning? [00:06:51] Speaker C: Not this morning. [00:06:52] Speaker B: Or your tea last night, maybe before bed? [00:06:55] Speaker C: I have yet to do that. [00:06:57] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:58] Speaker C: Today's the day because it's in the family room now. [00:07:01] Speaker B: Oh, so it's down another level. [00:07:03] Speaker C: So it's like, down another level. And the kids are watching tv, and it's like, it doesn't feel as. Not yet. So maybe tonight when they go to bed. [00:07:12] Speaker B: They still have time. [00:07:12] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Okay. [00:07:13] Speaker C: Still got a couple weeks, so. [00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:15] Speaker C: And your God moment. [00:07:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God moment. I was going to talk about something else, and then on the drive in, I had a God moment in the car. So, you know, I pray with music all the time. And I had a playlist that's all my favorite, like, Advent and Christmas songs. And they're all religious songs. They're not. Not any of the, like, commercial. None of that. No. I have strong opinions about Christmas music, and so this is, like, really the only playlist I listen to if I want to listen to Christmas music. But anyway, I had it on shuffle, and so I wasn't really controlling, like, which songs came up. And the song that played as I was driving in was, you know, Joseph's Lullaby. It's a Mercy Me song, but it's special because sue has used it in our Christmas liturgies from time to time. And our young man who died two years ago in January, Ryan, this was his song that he sang at Christmas. So I'm, like, driving in, and I'm just like. I just, like, I just had this moment where I felt like he was kind of there in the communion of saints, watching us, because we are going to be talking about parenting and, like, looking back on the highs and lows of our parenting. And the song's all about, like, Joseph, like, wondering if he can do it, if he can father, be the earthly father to Jesus. And it's just beautiful. And I remember Ryan practicing this song and singing it at mass and like, oh, okay. So I'm gonna hopefully get through the rest of the conversation. But, you know, it was just one of those. Sometimes the God moments are real subtle and sometimes they kick you in the pants. And this morning was a kick in the pants. A kick in the pants God moment for me. [00:08:59] Speaker C: Well, you need it. [00:09:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:01] Speaker C: You needed that. [00:09:02] Speaker B: Guess the Holy Spirit knows when I need to be kicked in the pants. All right, before we. Yeah. [00:09:09] Speaker C: Okay. So as I was thinking about this, and I know we talk a lot about being moms and having that family, but I don't wanna exclude. [00:09:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Other kinds of families. [00:09:23] Speaker C: The other kinds of families that there are. So I was looking up, like, what a definition of a family is. And of course, they were all like, the biblical ones and, you know, man, woman, kids. But this one I found, and I really liked it, and I'm gonna share it because I just want everybody to. To be aware that not every family. [00:09:50] Speaker B: Looks like our families. [00:09:50] Speaker C: Looks like our families or our families or your families or what? So a group of people united by blood, marriage, or adoption, who share an emotional bond, who often live together and provide mutual love and support. [00:10:09] Speaker B: Love it. [00:10:10] Speaker C: And I was like, well, adoption. Not necessarily, like adopting a kid, but my best friend's kids are my kids. Right. And I think sometimes even our church family's kids are our kids. Right. So I just wanted to throw that out there. That. [00:10:27] Speaker B: That's awesome. Right. Cause our conversation is probably gonna lean real heavily on, like, the parenting aspect. [00:10:31] Speaker C: Just. [00:10:32] Speaker B: Cause that's where we are right now. But you can do this kind of an exercise in a reflection. [00:10:39] Speaker C: Yep. [00:10:40] Speaker B: In any area of your life as an aunt. Right. Whatever your family looks like. Yep. [00:10:45] Speaker C: Okay, now we can start. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Oh, so should we do the desolations first? Because to end on a high note. Well, first, what do you want first? The good news or the bad news? [00:10:57] Speaker C: Well, I think we should definitely do that. But I wanted to share something about when I was examining, like, as a parent. [00:11:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:07] Speaker C: Everyone. Like when I first had Emma, everyone's like, oh, enjoy it. It goes by so fast and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, oh, this is the best stage when they're little. And I'm like, reflecting on that. And I was like, dude, every stage has been difficult, but I feel like. But it seems easier in retrospect than the ones that are coming up. For sure, right? [00:11:36] Speaker B: For sure. [00:11:37] Speaker C: So it's not just me. And I was just like, oh, my gosh. Like, I would totally take Connor and Emma being babies where I could just hold them. [00:11:47] Speaker B: Wouldn't you love to have like a day with each of your babies again? I know, but, like, it was the hardest part at the time. [00:11:57] Speaker C: It was the hard part. I know, but now I'm like, dude, I would take waking up every four hours. Hours to a crying child than trying to get them up for school. Would you not? [00:12:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Life is so cruel. I know. Every season of parenting is just its own little bundle of. [00:12:29] Speaker C: It's like, oh, it's gotta get easier at some point. And then you're just like, wow, it just gets different. It's a different difficult. Yeah. And then I just wanted to share. Kitty, my mom, you made it look way too easy. Cause she's a saint. She's gonna go right up to heaven. But I was also thinking about, like, how blessed I was or am not. Was how blessed I am to have the role models that I had, like my grandparents and your parents. And grandparents, my parents, my in laws, my siblings, my friends, you know, and it's just. It's just a blessing to be able to have family close. And not all families are close. [00:13:16] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:13:17] Speaker C: So, like, in general, I think I feel very blessed that it was. It could have been a lot harder. [00:13:24] Speaker B: For me if you hadn't had that close. [00:13:26] Speaker C: Had I had not have this extended. [00:13:28] Speaker B: Family and the people who'd gone before you sure? [00:13:30] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause Jeremy wanted to, like, move. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Oh, thank God. I couldn't do that. [00:13:34] Speaker C: And I'm like, no, that's. We need to be within a half an hour of my mom. Like, seriously? [00:13:40] Speaker B: I was like, yes. [00:13:41] Speaker C: And I wouldn't change it for anything. And it was funny when my sister first had kids. So my sister and brother are older than me, so they had their kids first. And when my sister and her husband wanted to, like, go out, the kids would go to my mom's. [00:14:00] Speaker B: Right. [00:14:01] Speaker C: And Jeremy and I would joke like, oh, my gosh, do they ever keep their own kids? Like, why are they always at mom and dad's? And now my sister's like, do you ever keep your own kids? It's like, dude, not when. I mean, I learned from you it's easier just to. [00:14:16] Speaker B: That's such a special thing, though. Cause I had that. You know, one of the questions we were gonna talk about today is your family favorite family moments or memories. From the time my kids were babies, my mom made a commitment. She's like, I'm gonna come every. This isn't even. When she was still working. She was like, I'm gonna come every Thursday after work, and that's gonna be my time, and I want you to go. And she would take the kids, and Brian and I would take a yoga class and go out to dinner. Or even if we didn't, like, have a lot of money, we would just, like, do, like, we got out of the house. And she had Thursday nights. For years and years. Yeah, for years and years. Until our kids got too big to need babysitting. [00:14:54] Speaker C: Well, but then the kids wanted to be with her. [00:14:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:57] Speaker C: Right. I mean, they. I love that. [00:15:00] Speaker B: Yeah. So. Okay. Anyway. [00:15:01] Speaker C: Okay, let's get into the desolations. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Desolations. What were the. What were the times that you struggled the most and felt. Yeah. Farthest from God. Okay, so parenting journey here. [00:15:12] Speaker C: This is going to be very personal. [00:15:14] Speaker B: Let's try to do this without throwing our kids under the bus. [00:15:17] Speaker C: I'm going to throw my kids under. [00:15:18] Speaker B: The bus or our husband's under the bus. [00:15:20] Speaker C: No, this is definitely not like a Throw somebody under the bus. But this is a total desolation, and I think it still is in my life. So. Emma struggles with some learning delays, so she basically has. Now I'm gonna. It's called auditory processing, but it's like verbal dyslexia. [00:15:44] Speaker B: Okay. [00:15:45] Speaker C: So she can't put words together correctly sometimes. So it's hard for her to talk with peers because they don't necessarily understand her. And so this has been a total desolation experience for me because it's like, did I not see it sooner? Could I have saw it sooner? Could I have done something different? What didn't I do? The what ifs? And I still, like, I look at her and I look at peers, and she knows all this. So, I mean, it's not like I'm saying anything, you know, that she wouldn't already know because we have a very close relationship about her connections. But it really. It's hard for me. [00:16:32] Speaker B: Because you can't fix it. [00:16:33] Speaker C: Because I can't fix it. And I see her struggling, and the weirdest part of it is, like, my prayers aren't answered the way that I want them to be answered or in the time that I want them to be answered. And I know that they're not going to be, but there's nothing I can do. [00:16:56] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I've had. That's also been my desolation as my kids have gotten older. I mean, well, I'll talk about when they were littler, but to be a parent of teens. And I'm not gonna share too much about my teens life. Cause I feel like they have their own stories and don't necessarily wanna be on, you know, on the podcast. But I think they wouldn't mind me saying that they've both had some mental health issues over the past couple years and you know, are doing okay and have, you know, the treatments they need and stuff. But like, it's so different from when they were little and when they fell down and hurt themselves, you could pick them up and give them a kiss and it would be better. [00:17:38] Speaker C: Right. [00:17:40] Speaker B: Because now we can't make it better. Yeah, we can't make better the things that they're struggling with. And like, that's the hardest thing as a parent. Especially as they get, you know, inching towards high school graduation here. And like, you're just like, am I. [00:17:56] Speaker C: Doing enough to prepare them? That's my other thing. Like, I look at Emma, she's gonna. I look at both of my kids, but like, Emma's gonna be 17 in four months. Three or four months. [00:18:08] Speaker B: I know. [00:18:09] Speaker C: And at 17. [00:18:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:13] Speaker C: Jeremy and I were already dating. [00:18:15] Speaker B: I know. Their lives are so different than ours. [00:18:18] Speaker C: And we were like, we were with friends all the time and we didn't have cell phones. Our parents didn't know what we were doing. And now like a part of me feels like I didn't give her enough freedom. And then another part of me is like, I gave her too much. [00:18:35] Speaker B: You can't do that. [00:18:37] Speaker C: But this is the desolation. This is like where. This is where I feel far in my relationship with God. Because I'm like, it's almost. And I'm not blaming God for anything, but it's almost like, why? And like, why didn't I get filled with the courage or the knowledge or whatever. [00:19:03] Speaker B: But maybe Emma is exactly where she totally is. [00:19:06] Speaker C: She is exactly where she is. I mean, she has grown substantially in the past year, but I mean. And I'm sure my mom and dad would probably say the same thing about each of us. [00:19:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:19] Speaker C: You know, growing up. And I know I'm gonna throw my mother in law under the bus. Cause I love her. But she will still text Jeremy and I if there's a Snowstorm, and we're driving home from work. [00:19:33] Speaker B: Drive safely. [00:19:34] Speaker C: She's like, drive safely. Call me when you get home. And I text her back. Did you ask Jeff and Pat if they were okay? Like, it's just. It's so funny how it's like this worry is on the youngest ones. [00:19:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:47] Speaker C: But, you know, I don't. Yeah. So that's where. [00:19:50] Speaker B: No, I think that's. It's like a. That's the current desolation, parenting, adolescence. [00:19:56] Speaker C: I don't even think it's a current thing. I mean, this has been, like. I have struggled with this the whole time. A long time. [00:20:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:04] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause I still question. [00:20:09] Speaker B: But you're too. [00:20:10] Speaker C: I know. [00:20:13] Speaker B: But it is. It's really. It's hard when you're in it. [00:20:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, if somebody else were to say the same thing as me, to be like, oh, my gosh, look how great your kid. And I'm not saying that Emma isn't great. She is great in her own self, and she is perfectly happy and healthy. But it's one of these things where it's just like, in hindsight, looking at. [00:20:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Did I do everything I could have done to raise my kid so they could be themselves, the people God made them to be? Right. I know. [00:20:46] Speaker C: Okay. [00:20:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:49] Speaker C: This is heavy, guys. It's hard. [00:20:51] Speaker B: And then there's the faith aspect, too, as they're beginning to own their own faith and what they're gonna believe and what they're not gonna believe and how this all. You know, and that's theirs. Like, we've given them what we can give them, and where that goes from here is not something we can do. Yeah, right. The only other desolation I was going to talk about, we kind of already did, which was, like, the newborn exhausted. Like, it was especially rough with my firstborn, who is the one who never. Who was a perfect baby as long as you were holding them. [00:21:29] Speaker C: Oh, those are my kind of babies. [00:21:30] Speaker B: And woke up every time you put them down and screamed. But. And then Bridget, when she. She did this thing where she. For the first six months of her life. Did I ever tell you this? Screamed. Every time she was in the car, we would put her. Screamed. No matter what else you did, from the moment you buckled her into the car seat to the moment you took her out for six months, screamed the entire time she was in the car. Poor baby. [00:21:54] Speaker C: Poor puppy. [00:21:55] Speaker B: Yeah. That wasn't fun. But. No, it was just like the exhaustion of the not sleeping and. [00:22:03] Speaker C: I don't know. I can't say that my Kids were good sleepers. They still are. [00:22:07] Speaker B: I mean, I didn't sleep through the night in years. And it's not funny. It was not funny at the time. Now it seems funny. But like. And then going back to work. [00:22:17] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:22:18] Speaker B: And all that. I mean, I would not say I had postpartum depression, but I think I had postpartum exhaustion to the extent that, like, it was really not. Not okay. And it was interesting because I had a different experience with the second baby because I think some of it had to do with where Brian and I were in our marriage. Because in the first, when Liam was born, when the baby would wake up, I would take him out into the living room and I would take care of him. And so I ended up spending half the night or most of the night alone in the living room. And Brian would sleep through and get up. And by the time we had Bridget, we were in a new house and Liam was in the other bedroom. And so Bridget was in the same room. Room with us. And Brian was a lot more aware of what was when she was awake in the night, and he did a lot more. And we had had other things that we had been working on in our marriage. So we were just in a totally different place by the time baby two came. And so that was different. But those are grueling months and years. [00:23:25] Speaker C: I think I've shared this before, but when Emma was born, we had this cute little bassinet and I was like, I'm gonna put it on Jeremy's side. I had this whole, like, vision. [00:23:35] Speaker B: I'm like, was it like a co sleeper that attached to the bed? [00:23:37] Speaker C: No, no, no. It was a whole separate bassinet that we got from his co workers as a present. And it was the prettiest little, cutest little thing. And I was like, I'm gonna put it on Jeremy's side so he can get up and hand her to me. And we'll be one. We'll be one happy family at 2 o' clock in the morning. And my husband loves his sleep. And he. I don't know. To this day he hasn't admitted that he' he ever heard her and just ignored it. I think he just ignored it, but I'll never know. So it ended up being like, I would get up out of bed, I'd walk around, I'd grab her, and finally I was like, scret. And she's going on my side. [00:24:18] Speaker B: I'm giving up. So you can just reach out to her. [00:24:20] Speaker C: She got on my side of the room and just grabbed her, but like sharing in these moments too. So for any new mamas out there, Right. We feel, we see you, we see. [00:24:31] Speaker B: You, we've been there. [00:24:33] Speaker C: And I think one of the best things in those times of frustration or desolation or whatever is it's okay to ask for help. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Right. Because what was desolation about my first newborn was that I felt like I was alone in it. [00:24:52] Speaker C: Yep. [00:24:53] Speaker B: And that was different the second time around. Yeah. [00:24:56] Speaker C: And especially like I don't know about how old, I mean how many years were you guys married before you had. [00:25:03] Speaker B: The kids are three years apart. We were married for about four years. [00:25:07] Speaker C: Okay. So we were about two, two years before Emma. And it was funny because when we first got married I was like, let's have kids. Like I wanted kids. And Joseph, no, we're gonna wait. And I'm blessed that we waited. Cause I don't know if we would have survived that new marriage and baby thing. But. Yeah, but as you grow as a couple and you know, and it's interesting. [00:25:38] Speaker B: Because even though that I call that a desolation 100%. Holding babies in the middle of the night, rocking them from this vantage point. [00:25:48] Speaker C: Right. [00:25:48] Speaker B: And even in the moment I think too there was always consolation in that. I mean there's nothing like holding. Nothing like holding your child or another child or any child, but especially. Yeah, right. I know. [00:26:02] Speaker C: So with my brother and sister in law, they live in Chicago, Illinois area. And my niece was colicky, like there was no consoling her. And I remember my brother asked if I could come out and just help my sister in law breathe. [00:26:23] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:26] Speaker C: And I actually stayed in Kate's room. So when she did get up in the middle of the night, I was able to try, you know, but even like, even the relationship with a niece or a nephew and just like what can you do to. [00:26:42] Speaker B: My sister did that some nights ago. It was just like when she was. And Liam was a baby. She would just stay up and hold him all night. [00:26:49] Speaker C: I found a quote from Pope Francis. [00:26:51] Speaker B: Oh good. [00:26:53] Speaker C: About desolations. Well, it's not really about desolations, but it's about families and I just wanted to share it. A tired family is better than a hard hearted one. I prefer a family with a tired face from sacrifices made rather than a pretty face which is unfamiliar of tenderness and compassion. [00:27:15] Speaker B: Wow. Say that again. The part of it about the tired face. [00:27:20] Speaker C: A tired family is better than a hard hearted one. I prefer a family with the tired face from sacrifices made rather than a pretty one which is unfamiliar. Of tenderness and compassion. [00:27:34] Speaker B: A tired heart from sacrifices made. Wow. [00:27:39] Speaker C: Right? [00:27:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:40] Speaker C: And I mean, this is before we even talked about being tired. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Awesome. [00:27:45] Speaker C: Like we're always going to be. [00:27:47] Speaker B: Yep. [00:27:48] Speaker C: We're always gonna be exhausted. We're always gonna be tired. There's always gonna be one more thing. And if we. We've always talked about this right before. Do everything out of love. [00:27:57] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:58] Speaker C: Even those dishes and those. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Love. [00:28:01] Speaker C: You know, if it's being done out of love and compassion. Even though it may not feel like you really wanna do it out of love and compassion, you're still fulfilling that vocation. [00:28:14] Speaker B: Small things with great love. Right? [00:28:15] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Cool. Okay. Give me some consolation where you felt close to God in your family. [00:28:21] Speaker C: Well, obviously the births of Evan encounter and I feel. So we've talked about this. The second kid, they were two totally different births. Like, Emma was somewhat easy peasy. Connor was more difficult. But with Emma, like you just look. Your first child. I don't know. My first child. I just looked at her, I'm like, I made her. Like we made her. I didn't make her. We made her. Right. And I think that was like my biggest consolation. I just felt so, like overwhelmed. And even with Connor, like. Cause he was a boy. And I was like, okay, now I have one of each. Like it's matching set. Matching set. But any birth. Right. I was in the room with my sister for my nephew who was born the day before my 30th birthday. So all my nieces and nephews. Oh, my great nephew Harrison. [00:29:22] Speaker B: Yes. Your newest one. [00:29:23] Speaker C: The newest one. He is just like, he. Oh my gosh. It's the coolest things when your niece or nephew, when the family grows, you know, like my in laws are like. [00:29:36] Speaker B: Especially the extended family. And keeping those connections and those relationships from generation to generation is like my. [00:29:42] Speaker C: Mother in law, she's like, it's even different being a great grandma than a grandma compared to being a parent. Sure. [00:29:50] Speaker B: Cool. [00:29:50] Speaker C: Yeah, I have like three or four. So I'll let you go. You want to go back and forth or do you just have one major one? [00:30:00] Speaker B: I've got like some favorite family memories. [00:30:02] Speaker C: Okay. [00:30:03] Speaker B: But like for consolation. So something came to me. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but in a weird way. [00:30:10] Speaker C: Buckle up, everybody. [00:30:11] Speaker B: The pandemic. I know. [00:30:14] Speaker C: Okay, hold on. Let me get a drink. Let me so figure this out for me. [00:30:19] Speaker B: On the one hand, that time was the most stressful time as a parent ever because of everything we went through. Parents, if you did it, you know what I am talking about. I mean, I had at one point, four different notepads, and they were with the daily to do list for everybody in our family because our kids were doing zoom school, but they weren't old enough to, like, keep track of their own things. So I was like, what do we have to do for each kid when. And I'm doing stuff for work? And Brian, it was awful, right? And it was scary. It was scary. But here's the thing. Like, on another level, in that time, we, like, hunkered in, the four of us in our house, like, and we spent a ton of time, really good time together. And, you know, even, like that first summer of 2020, and my kids let me think they were. I think they were just finishing, like, third and sixth grade. So it was just somewhere between third and fourth. [00:31:25] Speaker C: Already been five years, right? [00:31:27] Speaker B: This is ancient history to them. We still haven't gotten over it yet. But, like, they. We. The only people we saw all summer were my cousin Kate and her kids. Like, we kind of did a little pod and we were doing geocaching and hiking and, like, we did, like, a camp out in the backyard. Like, we just pulled in. We didn't do any camps. We didn't have any of the responsibilities we normally do over the summer. [00:31:53] Speaker C: You weren't running around? [00:31:54] Speaker B: We were not running around. We just had each other. And there's this kind of gloss on it now. I'm aware of it. But my kids just told me we were over dinner last week. They were like, we're really glad we had that time at home. And even that fall and winter, like, the schools, my kids were in Catholic school, so, like, they actually opened full time. But we had made the decision as a family after Thanksgiving to keep them home. So they were home again between Thanksgiving and I think probably the end of February break, we were home and we made that decision. Partly. It was just there were a lot of reasons we made the decision. One of them were that my mom and my sister would otherwise have been completely alone for the holidays because they both lived alone. And we wanted to be able to spend Christmas with them and not worry about exposing them to the school germs and all that stuff. And then after Christmas, we just figured we would do it until, um. And that was a stressful decision to make, too. But my kids expressed to me recently they were glad they had that. Like, it gave them a different space in which to be. That wasn't, you know, the normal school grind, I guess. And I was like, whatever. You guys are still Totally scarred by it. And, like, can't look people in the eye and shake them in the hand. But, like. And you're totally weird in your friendships together, but, like, not we're near friends together, but, like, you know, like, this generation is different, and it's harder for them to make those personal connections than it was for us. So I didn't mean that. My kids are lovely and very well connected and have good friends and all that. It is different, right? [00:33:45] Speaker C: It is totally different because whenever Connor or Emma have a friend over or they go over to a friend's house, they're playing video games with each other on their phones in the game. I was like, get a board game out. And, like, my kids do board games too. [00:34:01] Speaker B: They do role playing games. Anyway, all of that to say, yes, there were bad effects that came out of the pandemic. But, like, in an odd way, that was also a kind of a consolation moment for us because it put into focus what was really important, and we were all in it together. [00:34:16] Speaker C: That's awesome. Yeah. [00:34:16] Speaker B: Okay, give me another one. [00:34:18] Speaker C: Well, they still want to hang out with me. Yay. [00:34:25] Speaker B: I mean, only when on their terms. You don't get to decide when these moments happen, right? [00:34:30] Speaker C: Yeah. So I don't know if I share. I don't think I shared this because it happened last weekend, but because Jeremy and I were away, we were in Chicago for our anniversary, we decided to go out for drinks last Friday. And so I was like, just meet me. Meet me there after work. So I'm telling the kids. And I was like, oh, dad and I are gonna go out for drinks for our anniversary. And Connor's like, okay, yeah, just pick up something for me on your way home. I was like, that wasn't what I was really saying, but I can grab something for you. And then Emma looks at me and she goes, well, can I just come? Aw, Was I gonna tell her no? So I was like, yes, come on. So it was really sweet. Like, we had just Emma came. Just Emma. Connor decided he wanted to stay home, and we brought him food. But it was the cutest thing. Like, she just wanted to hang out with us. Aw. [00:35:25] Speaker B: I love it. [00:35:26] Speaker C: And I guess some of my. Most of my consolations would probably go into, like, my favorite memories of. [00:35:36] Speaker B: So we'll just do maybe a couple of more. [00:35:40] Speaker C: So actually, it was Friday night when we got home, and there was. I love Facebook because it tells, like, the memories. [00:35:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:35:50] Speaker C: Okay. So there was little baby Emma. [00:35:52] Speaker B: Is this the video you shared? This is the video I shared this was adorable. [00:35:56] Speaker C: She is like two. [00:35:57] Speaker B: Yep. [00:35:57] Speaker C: And we're at Powers Farm Market. And it was. I don't know where everybody else was. Like, it was. It was like a random day that Jaron and I had off or something. And she's walking around in her little rain boots and this cute little jacket and her pigtails. And we're sitting at a bench and she's just walking around. She's going. And then she'd like walk off. And then she pointed at Jeremy and she has her. [00:36:22] Speaker B: It was at that age where they have their own language that no one else understands. [00:36:26] Speaker C: Totally had no idea what she was talking about. So later that night, I'm laying in bed and I'm watching it again and I'm like, oh, my baby. And I was like, what are you watching? So like we sat down and snuggled and we were watching old videos and old pictures. And then Connor comes in and goes, well, here's mine. I was like, I don't nearly have as many as you for you, but this poor kid. But I think, you know, just having memories of sharing memories, right? [00:36:54] Speaker B: Yeah. And we had a moment like that recently when we were going through all my mom's old photos and we were cleaning out her house and my kids, like, were with me and like, they wanted to see all the pictures. And like she had her own kind of set of all the hard, hard pictures. Not digital ones, real, actual paper pictures. She picked she. Hard copies, hard copies of these pictures and she put them in tiny little albums and she would give me a set and she would keep a set. So now we have this whole second set that my kids can take their own little, you know. [00:37:22] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:37:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:23] Speaker C: It's so cool. [00:37:24] Speaker B: That video was so funny though, because you shared it and then like Shauna pulled up a video of her kid doing the same thing at the same age. And like they all go through that phase. Is so funny when it's like they understand that language exists and they're gonna do it, but they don't quite have everybody else's, so. Good. [00:37:44] Speaker C: I'm gonna share something about Connor. Cause I feel like a lot of this conversation has been about my oldest, Emma. But one of my favorite constellations was the four of us were in Fairport. I don't know, I think it was during the Fairport Canal Town days. We're walking back to the car and we had something else we needed to do. And so Connor's probably like two or three at the time. And you know how two and three year olds are slow. Okay. [00:38:17] Speaker B: Except when they're not. [00:38:18] Speaker C: Except when. Yeah, I guess. So. Connor and I are holding hands, and, you know, we're walking, and he stops and he smells a flower. Okay, come on, bud. And, like, he walks two more steps, smells another flower. Two more steps. Then it smells of weed. And it was just like, I'm like, come on, let's go. And then finally I was like, no, this is. [00:38:42] Speaker B: This is where I'm supposed to be. [00:38:45] Speaker C: And that was a God moment for me. I'm just like, relax, relax. Smell the roses. You know, like, have the eyes of a kid. And I just. And I remember that moment so vividly. [00:38:59] Speaker B: There's so many of those moments. Our kids were like, yeah, like, toddler young school age. Like, one of the cool things about working for the church is, like, you have. You work all Sunday, right? [00:39:10] Speaker C: But you. [00:39:10] Speaker B: I've had Fridays off most of the time. So when my kids were little and they would do, like, preschool, and they'd be done, like, halfway through, you know, we. So, like, Fridays were like Liam and Mommy Day or Bridget and Mommy Day. And we would do parks and strong. Like, it was just. It was a weekly thing. They knew it. Like, they were like, actually last week, Liam, I picked him up early from school or something. He's like, liam and Mommy Day. And I was like, what does that even look like anymore? [00:39:42] Speaker C: I still have a kitty in Mommy Day. Like, I do Mommy days with Mommy. [00:39:45] Speaker B: Yeah. So it was so fun. But there are so many of those moments that are just graced and you look at. And I think to. I have a couple of special memories of the kids helping each other or being kind to each other. [00:39:58] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:39:59] Speaker B: Like, when they came up, we were getting rid of a couch. A lot of my stories this season seem to be around couches, but this. [00:40:07] Speaker C: One, is it the same couch? [00:40:08] Speaker B: It's a totally different couch. [00:40:09] Speaker C: Okay, so you've had a lot of couches. [00:40:11] Speaker B: This is kind. But actually, I talked about moving the couches from my aunt and uncles into. Yes. Okay. So we were getting rid of this couch to make room for those couches. But we had had this couch for my kids entire babyhood, right? And it was falling apart, and it was like a piece of crap. And we need to take. [00:40:27] Speaker C: Really very sentimental about this couch. [00:40:29] Speaker B: Well, so we pulled it to the curb, and it was like the coolest day in the neighborhood because there was furniture in the yard. And, like, all the kids from the neighborhood came out. We got pictures of them in the sun, and it's so fun. We have this couch in the, you know, front yard. And then we went to the Strong Museum for the afternoon with the kids. And when we came back, it was still the day before trash pickup, but it was raining. Downpour, raining. And we get out of the car and Bridget loses it. She goes to the couch in the pouring rain and sits on it and she's just, like, crying. And like, Liam, we could console usually, but when Bridget decided to be mad or upset about something, she just had to. You had to let it run. Run its course. But, like, Liam went and got an umbrella and brought it over and, like. So I have this picture of Bridget just, like, sobbing, and Liam was holding the umbrella over her and the wet couch. And, like, it was just so sweet. But, you know, it's just like those. And I'm sure they were, like, at each other's today or whatever, but, like, yeah, family is full of those just, like, tiny moments that they just, you know, you gotta keep a snapshot in your head of them and keep going back and. [00:41:50] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:41:51] Speaker B: Welcoming them. I love it. [00:41:52] Speaker C: So I found another. Or. Yeah, I found another quote. Good. But I don't remember who it was by, but in thinking of, like, the constellations, the quote is, our vocation given to us by God is one of love and beauty. I was like, so even though we have those sense of desolation. Excuse me. It's still. It's an amazing vocation. You know, we were talking about. [00:42:28] Speaker B: The. [00:42:28] Speaker C: Confirmation kids had the sacraments of service. [00:42:31] Speaker B: Oh, yes, we had. Deacon Eric and his beautiful wife Marlene came and hung out with our confirmation kids. It was so great. [00:42:38] Speaker C: It was so great. [00:42:38] Speaker B: And to talk about the sacraments of service. [00:42:41] Speaker C: The sacraments of service of, you know, being a deacon and being married and things like that. But what I loved about their conversation with the teens was that they were so real about the frustration and difficulty of their vocation of marriage. Right. And it's not like warm and fuzzies all the time. [00:43:04] Speaker B: Yeah. That you're making a choice to act in love every single day. Right. [00:43:08] Speaker C: But even like the vocation of singlehood or the vocation of ministry or whatever vocation that we're called to, but because it's given to us by God, there is still this beauty of it that made us look messy. [00:43:28] Speaker B: Cool. I got a quote. [00:43:29] Speaker C: Yay. [00:43:30] Speaker B: This is from our. Actually, this is our second reading from today's lectionary for the feast of the Holy Family. And it was also a reading we used at our wedding, Colossians 3. I'm not going to read the whole thing because it's pretty long. But just the first sentence kind of gets at what you're talking about, the vocation of love. Right. So put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience bearing with one another and forgiving one another. Because that's family life right there. [00:44:06] Speaker C: I think that's just being a human. Yeah. Like in any. I think that's just a relationship in anybody we come across in any, even strangers, you know, we still have that. [00:44:21] Speaker B: And all those virtues, you know, compassion, kindness, humility, gentle, like you. You get them by practice. That's why they always practice the virtues. Right. Cause they would. They don't just, like, come to us. We have to work at them, really. I know. But we get better the more we do them. I guess. So. That's good. [00:44:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:41] Speaker B: Yeah. All right. Do you got any final things? I feel like we covered a lot. I didn't know there was going to be a lot for this one. We did. [00:44:50] Speaker C: I think we should end there on the happiness of life. [00:44:55] Speaker B: Well, for all of you on this feast of the holy family, we hope you can snuggle close to your own family today, whatever that looks like for you. And yeah, I guess keep practicing those virtues with the people that you live with. [00:45:13] Speaker C: I'm sure going to be practicing patience. [00:45:15] Speaker B: Yes. Enjoy this continuation of the holiday season that we are in. And we will see you next week, which will be a whole new year. [00:45:28] Speaker C: Yes. The epiphany. [00:45:31] Speaker B: All right, everyone. [00:45:31] Speaker C: Bye, everyone. Thanks. [00:45:34] Speaker A: Thanks for taking a faith break with us today. Karen Luke and Ann Gallagher are lay ministers with the parishes of St. Catherine of Siena in Menden, New York, and Church of the Transfiguration in Pittsford, New York. More about our parishes, including weekly live streamed Sunday mass, can be [email protected] or transfigurationpittsford.org Engineering Today is by Jeff Beckett. Join us for new episodes of Faith Break each week in Studio on YouTube app or on your favorite audio podcast or music applied.