Season of Remembrance

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to Faith Break. Finding God moments in your everyday. Each week on Faith Break, hosts Karen, Luke and Ann Gallagher bring spiritual refreshment to your daily life. In the month of November, the church remembers our loved ones who have gone before us in faith and who are still connected to us in the communion of saints. This week, Karen and Anne reflect on personal losses and how the rituals of faith and community help us move through grief to gratitude. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Hi, welcome to Faith Break. I'm Karen Luke. [00:00:46] Speaker C: And I'm Ann Gallagher. [00:00:47] Speaker B: And we are ministers in the church. Friends, moms, wives, everything all in one, all the time. [00:00:55] Speaker C: Yes. [00:00:56] Speaker B: And we are here to talk with you and talk with each other about finding our God moments in the everyday. [00:01:02] Speaker C: We are. [00:01:03] Speaker B: And this season of our podcast, we are in the season of. [00:01:10] Speaker C: So all the seasons of life we're gonna talk about in season two of Faith Break. And today we are in the month of November still we, which is kind of remembrance month for Catholics. We have in our faith communities several ways that we honor people who have lost loved ones in the last year and just remember all of our loved ones who have gone before us in the faith. So our theme for this week is the season of remembrance. And we're going to be spending a little bit of time talking about our loved ones who are part of the. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Communion of saints now and also how losing them brought us closer into our faith. I think we kind of touched base with that a little bit last episode. But the rituals and the traditions that we have in the Catholic faith and how that helps us move into that grieving process. [00:02:05] Speaker C: The church has a lot of wisdom in our rituals around grieving and remembering that I think really help us to move through the process in a way that's intentional and mindful and communal so that nobody's doing it alone or no one has to do it alone. [00:02:22] Speaker B: Exactly. We're gonna begin with our God moment. [00:02:27] Speaker C: Yes. [00:02:27] Speaker B: Do you wanna start us off today? [00:02:29] Speaker C: Sure, I can start. Yeah. My God moment is very basic this week. Cause we, you know, we had a very. A crazy summer with my mom being in the hospital for so long and then her death and funeral and everything that came after that. But one of typically, one of the joys of summer for our family is we belong to a CSA community, supported agriculture. So we get a box full of fruits and vegetables every week. And we have a lot of fun. Like, well, I have a lot of fun figuring out what to do with everything, cooking it, enjoying it. But it kind of got away from me this summer. But just in the last few Weeks. Like, we extended it for another four weeks for the. They do, like, a fall extension. And the last few weekends, we've really. I've just. I've had time to, like, plan out some really good meals using the bounty that has, you know, come to us in this box. And it's just been a really. It's felt nurturing, like, well, nourishment, actual nourishment wise. But it's also felt nourishing because I had time in my home to like, make things just for my family and not worry about everything else, you know, and the. And just racing through the to do list and then having time to sit down and eat meals together and all that. So my God moment. This last week is like my kitchen. My kitchen and my fruit and vegetable box that I got to play with. Like, it's, you know, my play DOH set or something like that as an adult. So that's fun. [00:04:00] Speaker B: And I was blessed from that box, too, because you gave us some grapes. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, that's right. We don't like those grapes. Actually, I had them again another week. I forgot. They came around again, and I should have brought them to you. We didn't get to them. [00:04:13] Speaker B: We loved them. So thank you for sharing that God moment, but also thank you for sharing in your bountiful feast. So my God moment. I don't think it was random, right. Because everything is the bigger picture. And we're getting new garage doors, and we haven't been able. [00:04:34] Speaker C: You know, you're adulting when big news in your life is a new garage door finally. [00:04:40] Speaker B: And. Well, it looks really bad because the whole entire metal frame came off the walls. [00:04:48] Speaker C: Oh. [00:04:48] Speaker B: So, like, the door, we cannot open one of them. And then it's completely open at the top. It's, like, caved in. It's. So I live in 315, and it was like, yeah, I'm. That house called a sack. Yeah. So we haven't been able to park our cars in our garage in probably about 10, 11 years. And I was like, all right, this is going to be a good time to purge. So we got a dumpster, and I got everything. Not everything, but most of the stuff that I needed to out of the garage. And I was like, okay, well, we got to use. Make use of this. So we went in our crawl space, which I hate, hate, hate, hate our crawl space. And my mom came over and helped. And then finally I was like, jeremy, we have to go down together and get the rest of the stuff done. So trust me, just follow me. There is a God moment in here. [00:05:43] Speaker C: Inside the crawlspace. [00:05:44] Speaker B: Inside the crawl space. So we're sitting in the crawl space. We have, like, two garbage bags next to us. And Jer pops one of the Tupperware bins up, and I pop mine up, and we both look in and we're like. And he found his, like, Little League picture of, like, when he was around Connor's age. And Connor wants to start playing baseball. So it was like, oh, that's cute. But my God moment was I found a stack of letters from my grandparents, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and some friends from, like, when I went on retreats. [00:06:23] Speaker C: Retreat letters. Retreat letters. [00:06:25] Speaker B: And, you know, it was so funny because we were talking about. Ann has decided to write out her notes this year. And Jeff goes, we're the last generation that knows cursive. Cursive. And I literally cried when I knew exactly which one was my grandma and which one was my grandpa's letter because of their handwriting. And I just started bawling. And Jer's like, what did you find, a mouse? And I'm like, no, I found my letters, like, and it was like, just before Halloween and All Saints Day and All Souls. And I was like, oh, thank you. [00:07:03] Speaker C: Everybody's here. Everybody's still with me. It was perfect. [00:07:05] Speaker B: So that was my God. And I can't even. I didn't even know the last time I looked in that bin. [00:07:11] Speaker C: That's awesome. [00:07:11] Speaker B: It's been years. [00:07:12] Speaker C: That's awesome. Finding your memory bin and actually going back. [00:07:15] Speaker B: That was my God moment was just recollecting. And I haven't read them yet. [00:07:20] Speaker C: Are you gonna, like, space em out and, like, cherish em one by one? [00:07:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. I'm just. It's. [00:07:26] Speaker C: Well, yeah, it's. I've had similar moments recently. Cause we were going through my mom's house and getting everything ready to sell and going through all the family pictures and, like, you just. It's like, it can be hard to do that, but it's so beautiful to do that too. Like, we found a book that we think is, like a goodbye book that, like, some distant relation who came over from Ireland, like, everybody in Ireland, wrote in this book. [00:07:55] Speaker A: No way. [00:07:56] Speaker C: Yeah, like, 150 years ago. Like, said their goodbyes, and then they took the book with them when they came to America. And it has all these notes from, like, family back home in Ireland. Isn't that neat? I mean, like, just. And then we found pictures of, like, people nobody recognizes. People nobody recognizes. And they're like, I don't know. So those I tossed. [00:08:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:16] Speaker C: But I was thinking about, you know, the scripture we. We think about when we are trying to imagine what the communion of saints is like from Hebrews 12. 1. Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us see. This is why I should have read it from the actual book. Let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that is before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus. Like, because we're surrounded by everybody who has gone before us. Like, in our. [00:08:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:53] Speaker C: In our cheering section. Right. As we run this race in this crazy season of our lives right now. I don't know. I find just a lot of real comfort in that. And it's cool to think about how we're still connected to. To everybody who's gone before us, whether they're here with us still on earth or in heaven. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Yeah. So I was. I didn't have to. I led children's liturgy at St. Catherine's on all sacs. [00:09:22] Speaker C: You got to lead. [00:09:23] Speaker B: Yes, I got to lead it. And I am so blessed that I did, because we were talking about the heaven and Lazarus and all of that. And so one of the questions I asked the kids, I was like, what does heaven look like to you? And it was the word cacophony. [00:09:43] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:45] Speaker B: They all had their own. I mean, we had, like, pink castles with purple windows. We had pools. We had lakes. And I'm like, dude, I am. [00:09:55] Speaker C: Sign me up. [00:09:55] Speaker B: If this is where. If this is what it is, then heck, yeah. But then they asked me. They're like, now who meets us? And I was like, you know what? I don't know. I hoped that it would be all of our family. And one little girl goes, how will they know when it's time to come meet us? [00:10:18] Speaker C: Wow. And I was like, man, kids just. [00:10:21] Speaker B: Seven years old, right? And I'm like, dude, they're gonna know. And everyone. They're just gonna get everybody. I said, I don't think God is gonna make us. What? Wander around and try to find everybody ourselves. I bet you everyone's gonna be there ready for us. And they were just, like, so excited. It's gonna be fluffy white clouds. We're gonna be walking on fluffy white clouds. And it was just, like. It was the cutest, cutest thing. And it's just so refreshing because at the stage that we're at, and our parents and grandparents, like, I lost. I was fortunate that my grandparents. I was 24 and 25. And I kind of lost all my grandparents within in a window. And then a little later on, you know, fortunately my great grand. My grandfather was able to see my kids, but, you know, and I think now, like, there's some people that never knew their grandparents. And I was like, oh, my gosh. [00:11:27] Speaker C: Yeah. I love thinking about people coming to meet you when it's your time to go. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:35] Speaker C: Cause we just, you know, we walked my mother through her death recently and she was. I don't want to get into all the details of it, but like, so she was in a car accident in the summer and was in the hospital and then in rehab and then got an infection and ended up back in the er, in the hospital, and finally in hospice over the course of like two months between when the accident happened and when she died. And so we were like, the way that this grieving journey went for us, for me and Brian and my sister and our kids was like. We kept thinking she was going to get better, and we were focused on, like, what do we need to do to get her better? Because we were in the meantime setting up a new independent living apartment for her to move into, which had always been the plan before the accident. [00:12:27] Speaker B: And. [00:12:27] Speaker C: And so we had like two months of just like an up and down roller coaster, like, trying to build her up and then realizing it wasn't. That dream was not going to be realized. Right. And the home she was going to was not the apartment, it was her return home. But it was just like such a gift. Once we actually were in the hospice wing in the hospital and as people came to say their goodbyes to her, oh my. The grace. The grace of seeing all of those talk about the communion of saints. We looked around and it was like the communion of saints on earth that had surrounded her and they all came. She had so many friends and family and people who came. And I mean, I could just go on and on about, you know, all of the graced moments that we got to witness during that week. She was. That she was actively dying. And. But at the same time, it's exhausting to be in that place. And so my sister and I were kept. Especially my sister and I were being like, you can go now, Mom. You know, like, every night we said goodbye for what we thought was the last time. And every morning we were glad to see her again. But we were also just like, how long is this gonna. How long can we do this? But, like, you know, we were talking with her about if you see Grandma and Grandpa, if you see Sue. Sue was my aunt who died, who was not biologically related to my mom. She's from the other side of the family, but they were sisters of the heart. And I don't know, man. It's just amazing, the web. The web of relationships that extends through our families and through our church communities and, like, across generations and across heaven and earth. Right. I mean, it's just so graced. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And I like thinking about our family with my grandparents to my. My grandma and both of my grandmas actually were in hospice and just two different families. Like, it was my. My dad's mom and my mom's mom, but all of my cousins, like, we were bringing work before it was work from home. We were bringing work and just sitting in the community area talk, doing our work and chatting. And we always say, like, why don't we get together when it's not a death? [00:15:01] Speaker C: Right? [00:15:02] Speaker B: Because we have so much just. There's just so much history and memories and everything, but you can always find joy in the craziness of death. And my grandma's name was Eugenia. [00:15:23] Speaker C: That's a mouthful. [00:15:24] Speaker B: It is a mouthful. But it was always Grandma Jean. Okay. And it was Grandma Jean. J, E, A, N, N, E. But Eugene was spelled with a G. Got it. Okay. So we never knew we were older when we figured out that she was Eugenia. So we're all in the room, and my uncle said, okay, let's pray. Let's say a prayer with Eugenia. And my cousin whips his head around. He goes, eugenia, who the hell is that? And his brothers are, like, slapping him upside the head. It's like, grandma. And he's like, my whole life is a lie. I never knew her name was Eugenia. And I'm like. We all look at him like, this is not about you right now. Let's draw back. But it is in those stories of the remembrance. And who was Grandma before she was Grandma. [00:16:20] Speaker C: Yes. Right. It was so cool to see. I think I mentioned last week when we talked, my aunts and uncles came out in a huge way that I wasn't expecting. My mom's one of five, my dad's one of six, and my parents divorced long ago. And that's a whole other story. But, like, anyway, my mom's sisters came three weeks before her death because we had asked them to come to kick her butt into shape so that she would do her hard work and rehab and be ready for the apartment. [00:16:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:53] Speaker C: We're like, when school starts, we need you guys to come in and, like, take the reins and, like, do that. And they stayed in the apartment that we had set up for her. [00:17:01] Speaker B: They are the sweetest aunts, too. [00:17:03] Speaker C: I know they're like this big, and there's two of them and they. But, like, they were here for the whole. For. For the entire journey. And like, we. Since my grandmother died, which is probably three years ago now and then. So before that, we had the pandemic and didn't see them for a while. Like, we just haven't seen the New York branch of the family as much because they're down in New York and we don't have grandma's house. [00:17:25] Speaker B: We live in New York, too. [00:17:27] Speaker C: They're downstate. They're. They're. They're in Westchester. But, like, part of a blessing that has come out of my mom's death is I feel like our relationship to our extended family has been renewed. Like, when Bridget had her birthday last week, my aunts called her and they sang to her just the same way my mom would always sing, because it was like they knew she wasn't gonna get a call from her grandma on her birthday for the first time. And so they called and it was just like. Like, we were like, we love you. We miss you. I mean, it was just Bridget was so. Got so close to them in the time that they were here. And, you know, I mean, families, when hard things happen, just can come together like that. I don't know, man. It's just like, I feel very blessed. [00:18:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:19] Speaker C: But, like, the grieving, I don't want to minimize because I know that people are listening to this episode who maybe are dealing with a loss or are missing a loved one. I mean, I think in this month of November, we have a lot of both at St. Catherine's and Trans Fig, we have remembrance masses that are a way to kind of honor those who have died and to give us. I think that rituals like funerals and the remembrance Mass and we have a remembrance book at Transfig, I think. I don't know if there's one at St. Catherine's but, like, things like this and like, the idea of having calling hours even and a viewing of the body at, like, they're containers in which we can put our grief right. So that the emotions have a place to be that isn't scattered. I mean, your grief is going to explode all over your life anyway. But just to have a structure is very comforting and healing, and it brings others into the process in a way that is hopefully more helpful. [00:19:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:25] Speaker C: Than hurtful. I don't know. [00:19:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:27] Speaker C: Think about how we do funerals and that kind of thing, I think. [00:19:31] Speaker B: And this isn't like a morbid thought, but the incensing. [00:19:39] Speaker C: You go. You go. [00:19:41] Speaker B: The incensing of the casket or of the ashes is. I don't even want to say. It's my favorite part of. I don't think I can use the word, the phrase favorite part with the. [00:19:54] Speaker C: Funeral Mass, but it's one of the most meaningful parts. [00:19:57] Speaker B: One of the most meaningful parts. Like, I just. And watching any priest, incense, and the time that they take. And it is not a rushed. It is just. [00:20:11] Speaker C: But, I mean, Rob is so beautiful. [00:20:14] Speaker B: There is something about. [00:20:16] Speaker C: Yes. And I give him such love. [00:20:19] Speaker B: Yes. His compassion. And, I mean, he has the pastoral connection of funerals. And it's just the taking of the time and the music with it. And I never feel like, okay, let's go. And it's just letting the incense rise and seeing it in the church just like the symbol of them just going and being with God. And it's quiet, it's meditative. There's nothing that I have to do except just be present. And it is a beautiful rite in our liturgy that we have for sure. [00:21:08] Speaker C: Both. We respond differently to grief, too, and to the processes, the spiritual and the. And the traditions we have around grief. Like, I mean, when we went from. My mother died on a Monday, and we had some family in town from out of town. My sister had been here for weeks and had to go home to her house, which is in another state, and my mom wanted a green burial. So we knew it had to be a quick process between. But, like, she died on a Monday, we had the wake on Wednesday, and the funeral was on Thursday, and it felt fast to a lot of people. And those 48 hours, hours after she died, when we were already meeting with the, you know, the team at church and the funeral home and figuring out how to feed our. We do a luncheon for our family before they all got back on the road. And, like, it's just a flurry of activity. Right. And being who I am, working for the church, I had a lot of ideas of what I wanted, like, the music. And sue came to the. You know, the music was so perfect, but we felt like it was our last gift to my mom to create the funeral and then the family gathering that she would have wanted. So it gave us tasks to do that while they were, like, you know, busy to do and hectic to get done. We felt like they were meaningful, but they also kept me from, like, I didn't grieve during those days. I was too busy to grieve during those days. And even during the actual funeral, like, you know, I gave a talk and I was singing and it felt so good to be singing. Right? Like, I couldn't have sung by myself, but singing with others was like, I don't know, it was awesome. But Bridget, oh my gosh, for the entire. [00:23:05] Speaker B: She broke my heart. [00:23:06] Speaker C: And she was, you know, at the calling hours, she sat right by my mom's casket the entire. And other people came around her, but she was there the entire time. And then she just kind of like after the incensing, she just like, she threw herself on my mom's casket. Because for her, I mean, you know, she's a teenage girl and a theater kid and she is going to. And I'm proud of her for this. She is going to express her emotions out here and that good for her, man. Like, right? Like, that's why we have these things. But not everybody is that, you know, and Liam, very private with the emotions. And, you know, that's gonna be a whole different. It's gonna look totally different for Liam than it does for Bridget. And even with me and my sister, I mean, she. She'll text me, she's like, I'm crying myself to sleep every night. And I'm like, oh, am I doing this wrong? Like, am I doing it wrong? But, like, but I. I think I did a lot of grieving early, early when we were making the decisions about her end of life care, so. Because there were. And there was a lot of crying in the hospice room. And there was also a lot of laughter, like you said. I mean, I had one set of aunt and uncles who just came in and told jokes the whole time. And mom loved that. Right? Like, it's just everybody is gonna be doing this in their own way and each death, each loss you face is gonna hit differently. And each one is going to bring up all the previous ones you've ever had too, right? [00:24:41] Speaker B: So Emma, you know, you may not know, but Emma's in confirmation. And it was really cute. My dad's cousin Kathleen is in. Was in from town from Washington state. And I was like, emma, we gotta work on our confirmation session before we go to confirmation. She's like, okay. So Kathleen and my mom sat at the table with us as we were like going through the readings and the videos and all of this. And Kathleen goes, isn't it all saints day? And I was like, it is. And she's like. And so we just got Talking about it. And I was like, well, you know, we're saints on earth. And she's like, wait, what? [00:25:23] Speaker C: Saints in training. [00:25:24] Speaker B: And I'm like, yeah, by our baptism we're saints. And it was just like, it was so cool. Like usually it's like, oh, Karen's the church lady. Give her all the, give her all the rosaries. [00:25:34] Speaker C: She's got to say grace and thanks. [00:25:36] Speaker B: She's got to say grace. She'll say grace at the wedding. She'll be at the planning of the funeral. But this was just like a fun conversation. And, and Kathleen's like, wow, I'm. I'm a saint. I was like, well, yeah, you are because. And the funny thing about Kathleen is she's got four boys or three. [00:25:56] Speaker C: Four boys. [00:25:58] Speaker B: Four boys. Matthew, Mark and John. [00:26:02] Speaker C: Three boys. She needs one more. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Matthew. Mark and John. And we always laugh about it. And I was like, yeah, well, you're a saint because you got Matthew. [00:26:12] Speaker C: There you go. Mark and John. Yeah, so. [00:26:16] Speaker B: But yeah, I mean, I just love the remembrance of, of things and. [00:26:24] Speaker C: You. [00:26:24] Speaker B: Know, I don't know. [00:26:25] Speaker C: Do you have any moments in your life when you have felt particularly close to like someone who you've lost? Like, you know, those moments like where maybe not, not in like a, like a ghostly way or anything like, but just like in a small moment, something like hits you, reminds you of someone who's passed or you just have those like. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Yes. [00:26:47] Speaker C: Feelings of connection. Yes. [00:26:54] Speaker B: My, my grandpa, he would always touch his hand to his chest during the consecration. And so, and it's, it's the weirdest thing because sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. And I'll just like, I'll just do it. I was like, oh, okay. Hey grandpa. Like it's. Or I'll see another older person doing it. [00:27:21] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:27:22] Speaker B: And you're like, I remember, you know, or it's just. Yeah, I have, I'm like I said, I'm very fortunate. I had 25ish years with all four grandparents before one of them had passed. [00:27:36] Speaker C: So. [00:27:37] Speaker B: And you know, I've talked about it before. We had Sunday brunch with one set, Sunday dinner with another set. So like I grew up in a half of a house with my grandparents with the door that connected. So like I would wake up in the middle of the night and I'd go to my grandparents bed. I wouldn't even go to my parents. [00:27:56] Speaker C: That's such a great story. I didn't know that about you. [00:27:58] Speaker B: Yeah. So it was like, I. [00:28:00] Speaker C: Are those your mom's parents? [00:28:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:28:01] Speaker C: Okay. [00:28:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And it was so funny because my mom would call me and I wouldn't answer and she'd be, you know. And then of course, she felt like she had a knock into her parents house. Is Karen here? Yeah, she's in bed. And although I don't remember that the story has been told to me. [00:28:22] Speaker C: Yes. [00:28:22] Speaker B: But I hold it because I could totally see myself doing that. So it's just I was. [00:28:29] Speaker C: We have that in common. Well, we didn't live in a house, but we had on my mother's mother and her two sisters in New York live all on the same side of the street. Three houses that are like within six houses of each other. [00:28:42] Speaker B: That would be so fun. [00:28:43] Speaker C: So, yeah, like when I was growing up, it was like when we would go visit them, we would stay with grandma, but we had all the aunts and all the cousins and like everybody all on one street. I love that. And when we were growing up, we lived four doors down from my uncle Tom, my aunt sue, and my cousin Kate and my cousin Tommy. So we would always like every day. Yeah. It's like sue babysat for us until she went back to work. And then I babysit. I was old enough to babysit for everybody, but they're more like. Those cousins are more like siblings. [00:29:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:13] Speaker C: And yeah. But just that gift of the extended family and stuff is so awesome. [00:29:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And now it's fun to see it with my kids. Like Emma and Connor just texting my parents or Jeremy's parents randomly be like, hey, I got, you know, whatever. Or the other day I'll tell a quick weird story. But the other day Connor was just. He wasn't having it being home. He just didn't want to be home. And so he's like, I'm calling grandma. [00:29:49] Speaker C: And I'm like, I'm gonna blow this popsicle stage. [00:29:52] Speaker B: Okay, what are you gonna say? He's like, I don't wanna be here. I wanna be at grandma's. I'm like, okay, well I'm not bringing you because it was during the Bills game. I'm like, why would I leave during the Bills game? But it was so sweet. Like my mother in law came over, picked him up during halftime and he just hung out with her and my father in law and then now with my niece and nephew and they have their son and my great nephew. And it's just. Yeah, I really. And I grew up babysitting for my cousin's kids. [00:30:31] Speaker C: Right. Cause you're so much younger. [00:30:32] Speaker B: I'm much younger than yeah. On that one side. So it's just family has always been a connection for me, and I've. I wanted to make sure that my kids had that, too. [00:30:47] Speaker C: Yeah. I. I was thinking, in preparing for this episode of, like, all the people that I've lost, and I was like, I've lost my grandparents, and now I've lost my mother, and I lost my best friend growing up. Heidi had brain cancer, and she died about two. We're coming up on two years. I've lost a couple of teens from the youth group, and I was thinking about Bishop Clark, too, which is more of, like, a mentor to me. And my Aunt sue, who is. She had breast cancer and died. I can't believe it's been nine years ago, but I live in her house. We bought our home. [00:31:29] Speaker B: I always love this story. [00:31:30] Speaker C: We bought our house from my uncle Tom and Sue, the ones who live down the street from us growing up just after her death. And even though Tom and Sue only lived in this house for two years, it's definitely much more like our house now because we've been there for so long. But she painted all the walls in my house except for the bedrooms. Right. And it's just. I just. I feel like I physically live inside the legacy of all of these loved ones who have gone before me. And. [00:32:01] Speaker B: And your house is the house that everyone gathers at. [00:32:03] Speaker C: Yes. Well, so we're supposed to host Thanksgiving, but so many people are coming in that. Were actually gonna do it at my cousin's house, because she has. I'm like, 20. It's gonna be, like, 25 people. And it's. It's a great house, but it is a small house. And even if we put all the teenagers in the basement, which doesn't really feel right for Thanksgiving, so we're gonna. [00:32:31] Speaker B: Do gratitude for the next future now. Go down to the basement. [00:32:34] Speaker C: We're still gonna make two turkeys. We're gonna make two turkeys, and we're gonna bring them over to Kate's house and. Yeah. [00:32:41] Speaker B: So that's it. [00:32:41] Speaker C: But it's cool. It's gonna be a big Thanksgiving, which will be nice because it's the first one without mom, but we're gonna have. Yes. All of the extended family. Lots and lots of extended family here. Do you have anything else that's, like, helped you when you've lost someone to be. I don't know, a process of your own letting go or holding them close still or just grieving? [00:33:09] Speaker B: I think one of the things is. I just can't fathom not Having the church, the church rituals, or the church community with. I can't imagine not having them in my grieving process. [00:33:26] Speaker C: How do people do this without the support of a church? [00:33:29] Speaker B: And I'm not saying it's bad. I mean, if you can do it, that's great. But for me, all of the times that I have lost somebody, my grandparents, my cousin Alex, Jeremy's grandparents, I mean, it was just. I can't imagine not having the staff, my co workers, my friends, family assisting in that and just helping me. Because, like you were saying, like, you. You felt like you were kind of grieving during it. Yeah, but people were helping you. [00:34:11] Speaker C: People were giving me. I mean, the church community meals, dropping meals off, covering for me at meetings. [00:34:17] Speaker B: I'm sure people have that within their own community. And it looks different, but I never once felt like I questioned why this was happening. [00:34:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:34:34] Speaker B: And I know others in my family did, you know, because it all looks different, but because of my foundation with my grandparents. So my dad's dad converted for my grandma, but they were all Catholic and they went to two different churches. It was just I used to go to church with them and, you know, and we all fall away at some point. And I think I'm probably the only one that. Well, I know I'm definitely the only one on one side of the family that's still practicing, practicing and things like that, but I just can't. I'm very blessed that I had my face to pull me in. And so I think that that's. That's one thing. [00:35:30] Speaker C: We had a couple of things that I think have helped me in marking grieving. You know, as I moved through it, I had another one of my cousins, Kevin, sent me, like, a playlist of songs after the day, you know, the week of my mom's funeral. And I combined them with. Bridget had a playlist of songs she had made, and my sister has sent me a couple of songs. And then I put those all together with a bunch of songs that we used at the funeral and just that are meaningful to me as, like, grieving songs. So I have like a grief playlist or it's like a remembrance playlist maybe, and I'll just put that on and when I go for my walks and listen to it. And then sometimes there are objects, too, that I feel like just remind us of people. Like we have. This is going to sound crazy, and I don't know if I've shared this story. I might have shared this story in the podcast before, but. Little rubber ducks. [00:36:26] Speaker B: Yes. I think so. [00:36:27] Speaker C: So we spoke before about how Bridget, at our funeral, my mom's funeral was just like. She was so emotional, and she just lost it. And in the moment where she was just crying and crying, crying, my friend Heidi's big sister came over, Marnie. And she had a little rubber duck, a little plastic squeaky duck, and she handed it to Bridget, and I just started laughing and. Because at Heidi's funeral, Heidi's brain cancer changed her personality in the last year of her life in a way that was sort of magnificent, really. Like, she was someone who struggled with anxiety, but it all fell away. And she lived her last life like it was. I mean, she just said yes to everything. Her attitude was so. It was a little manic at times, but it was just like. It was like her best energy she ever spent in her life. And. And at her. She knew her funeral was coming up, and she was like, I want everyone to have a baby duckling, because you can't be sad if you're holding a baby duckling. She wanted real ducklings, and her family had to be like, how about these from Oriental Trading Company? And because of the brain cancer. And so at her funeral, they handed out all these ducklings. So for Marnie to come. It's the layers of relationship again, right? And when her mom came to visit my mom in hospice, oh, my gosh. It was like. Because, I mean, there's so many. I could talk forever. I mean, my mom drove up Heidi and I to school every morning all through high school, and her mom would pick Liam up when he was an infant. We've talked about how Liam never slept. She would come get Liam every one morning a week, and she would just hold Liam so I could sleep when he was a newborn. And so when we were. When she was saying goodbye to my mom and I was just hugging her, she's like, you're my other daughter. And I'm like, you're my other mom. And anyway, the long and the short of this is mom and Heidi are in the same plot of land. They're like. They're like 20ft from each other. Because it was when my mom saw how Heidi handled her death that she said she wanted the green funeral, and she wanted. So now we can go visit them, and they're in the same place. And Nancy's gonna plant flowers on my mom's grave, like she does for Heidi. And, you know, I just think these. I never thought I was gonna be a graveyard person, because I've. I've never really done that before, but, like, Bridget wanted to go see mom, like, the week or two after her death. And then I realized I know, like, three other people in that funeral. In that. In that funeral, in that cemetery. I was like, oh, maybe I'll go pay these guys a visit too. Right? [00:39:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:01] Speaker C: And it's just, you know, it's nice to have those anchors and those objects and those relationships that we know are going to continue and that hold us together as we're grieving and, you know, and I think can even, like, blossom in new ways after a loss. I got some scripture passages. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Okay, let's do it. [00:39:21] Speaker C: So here's Psalm 40. No, Psalm 34, 19. God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those whose spirits are crushed. We also have Matthew 5:4. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. That's interesting. I do like, when you're in mourning, it does. Does give you the opportunity to let other people comfort you. Yeah, that's cool. I had never really thought about that beatitude that way. And Revelation 21:4. God will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning, for the old has passed away. And God says, see, I make all things new, the hope of heaven, all things new. [00:40:11] Speaker B: I love that. Going into fall. Winter. [00:40:14] Speaker C: Yeah. This is spring, remember season. I mean, there's just something too about, like, the way the trees are and the way the sky is, the way just the natural world is in this time of we're really heading into winter. I think it brings up, you know. Yeah. A lot of the winters of our life and, you know, just the whole idea of letting go so. [00:40:38] Speaker B: Well, thank you, everybody. [00:40:40] Speaker C: Thank you for listening. Sticking with us. This is a difficult one. [00:40:44] Speaker B: Feel free to come up and share any of your joys and remembrances of family before you or friends and your earthly saints that are now saints in heaven. Thank you. And we'll see you on our next show. [00:41:00] Speaker C: Thanks, everybody. Have a great week. Bye. Bye. [00:41:04] Speaker A: Thanks for taking a faith Break with us today. Karen Luke and Ann Gallagher are lay ministers with the parishes of St. Catherine of Siena in Menden, New York, and Church of the Transfiguration in Pittsford, New York. More about our parishes, including weekly live streamed Sunday Mass, can be [email protected] or transfigurationpittsford.org Engineering Today is by Jeff Beckett. 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